The Social Media Connection Gap: Feeling Parasocial

 I think there might be a gap in connection caused by social media.

At a time when humans, in theory, are more connected than we've ever been, people are struggling. Kids are becoming lonelier (1), cultural activities are being lost, many Americans often eat meals alone (2). A study from 2017 (3) sampled 1700 social media users ages 19-35, and according to their research, "Social Media use was significantly associated with increased depression." Beyond that, everyone fucking knows social media causes depression! All people talk about is "I'm trying to quit instagram." "I deleted Facebook from my phone!" "I can't stop doomscrolling." And yet, we all still do it. We lock ourselves in a room and 'connect' for hours at a time. But it's not real connection.

A connection is a relationship, a cared-for, nurtured link that, ideally, is positive. To create and maintain new relationships is one of the most beautiful things a human can do, we are, after all, social pack animals. When we hop on instagram or tiktok and stare at an infinite window of information for half the day, it may seem we are creating some sort of link or relationship, maybe you even make friends online through twitch or discord servers, but most of the time you will never meet those friends in the real world, so we create what's called 'para-social' relationships. Parasocial relationships are essentially just one-sided relationships, often times occurring when a viewer believes they really know a celebrity, or a twitch streamer, etc. Parasocial relationships provide the “illusion of intimacy” (4) without any of the benefits of actual emotional intimacy, leaving the viewer feeling depressed and anxious, with no deep connection in their 'relationship.' Interestingly, parasocial relationships are not always negative, in reality we all make these types of one sided relationships, even without thinking too much of it. They can be a safe outlet for bottled up emotions, or simply a fun thought experiment, only being negative if they become obsessive. In the case of queer kids, for example, it can be hard to find other kids that they can relate to, so turning to social media or queer TV characters may be their only way, “LGBTQ youth, who may not have access to people like them, can turn to parasocial relationships because it’s something that can enrich their limited social world,” (5) says researcher Rachel Forster, who frames parasocial links as a practice in self-acceptance.

Maybe feeling parasocial isn't always a bad thing, but I think these types of relationships wouldn't happen if every person got enough social contact, if we thought of it like the necessity it is, instead of turning it into a luxury. In theory if all goes according to plan, sufficient social contact happens through school or work, but it often does not, so people socialize at a playground, parks, bars, gyms, etc. But not everyone is able to go to those places. Whether physically or mentally handicapped, or simply anxious or depressed, many people turn to social media and the internet to replace these places, but as I've shown, it often leads to more depression, and makes you form obsessive, toxic, one sided connections. If there were more free, public events that took place out in the street, simply for the sole purpose of building community, maybe less people would be inclined to turn to their phones.

In college I made a project called Flier Club, where we wheatpasted fliers all around the school for fake events. Eventually people wanted to help make the fliers themselves, so we opened it up as an actual club and held meetings randomly around different locations at the school (6) That's right I have a link for it go check that shit out. Anyway it became a pretty cool project, and I met a ton of cool people I never would have met unless I was face to face doing a creative, experiential thing with them. We weren't just sitting around making fliers, we invited people to join, we had music, we would chat with our friends while we were there, and it felt like a good vibe. If I could reproduce that project everywhere, I would, because, while it was silly and short-lived, it created it's own sense of community.

All this to say, I think there is a gap in our society at the moment. I have a feeling something will come along to fill it, but my theory, and slight hope, is that we can bring real, physical community back in a way that is both interesting and mentally enriching. Simply being in a space occupied by other humans is significant for our mental health, it's a big reason I love New York City, it's hard to be alone, but I think that's a good thing. Who knows maybe the gap can be filled by traveling groups of people whose only goal is to gather people and bring them joy and community. That's right, we're bringing back trouping!

LINKS

1. https://www.cnbc.com/2025/10/27/child-psychiatrist-kids-are-increasingly-lonelyhow-parents-can-help.html

2. https://www.worldhappiness.report/ed/2025/sharing-meals-with-others-how-sharing-meals-supports-happiness-and-social-connections/

3. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4853817/

4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/parasocial-relationships

5. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/379563904_I_need_to_see_me_on_TV_Parasocial_affirmations_of_sexual_and_gender_identity_development_of_LGBTQ_mass_media_consumers

6. https://flierclub.club/